The journal consists of 61 pages curated by Sol to be discovered after her suicide attempt [keep in mind she might have been assassinated first]. The reference to potentially have been killed by someone other than her own hand will be dealt with in a separate blog entry.
There is not a single reference to Columbine in any of it. NOT A ONE.
There is not a single reference to killing anyone other than herself anywhere in the journal.
There is not a single drawing of anyone associated with Columbine or any other such event anywhere in the journal.
There is not even a temporal overlay to suggest she had any awareness of Columbine at all. Columbine happened before she was born. If she had been exposed to something that fascinated her, not a single link on her quite sophisticated website even hints an interest. Any fair reading of her journal is compelling eveidence that she would not have been shy about it.
The authorities are demonizing and slandering this young woman's reputation.
She was never a threat to anyone. She was gifted and brilliantly suicidal. She was not mentally ill in any criminal sense of the terminology.
She was a tortured soul who found solace in Death Metal music and lyrics. Its often difficult to disambiguate her words against the fabric of lyrics from songs that express her feelings. The journal, taken as a whole, is an American Post-Modern mantra that gives the Tibetan Book of the Dead a run for its money.
Sol Pais, much like a terminal patient with something to leave behind, speaks privately what she cannot express in her day to day life. The doctored photograph of her face covered is a classic metaphor for those who might bellow, "I have no mouth and I must scream!"
Sol Pais could not reconcile her existence. Its a terrible self-knowledge she agonizes with on page after page. She, like everyone who commits suicide, welcomes an end. Its not something most of us can understand or accept but it is real.
The only indication she gives of why she feels an outsider is expressed on page 29, dated 6/29/18. She feels an outsider in an [oppressively] liberal high school. Her rant could well be a meme for anyone who is intelligent and forced to witness the masses at work.
The agony of Sol Pais as a conservative student in a liberal school should serve as an important milestone for all of us. The current political climate is adversely affecting generations of youth who may be as ready to check out of this world as engage it.
We can't "woke" the dead.
Her suicide was planned and she would do it in the woods of Colorado. She drew both the shotgun she would buy and a landscape that was her destination accurately looking like the woods of Colorado. This illustration is on page 24 no date but sandwiched between 6/18/18 and 6/21/18.
The shotgun shows up on page 35 dated July 14, 2018. I need to triangulate this to the correspondence about acquiring guns in Colorado by someone also using DissolvedGirl as an avatar. Dissolved Girl is a sub-genre rock song that could be used by many fans of the music.
The journal pages are sequential and occasionally dated. The illustrations circulated by authorities appear before page 5, dated May 27, 2018.
It is on page 11, sandwiched between May 27, 2018 and June 17, 2018.
This is a second, updated, draft, I'm pressed for time but I'll flesh this out even more.
My warning falling on deaf ears and now obsolete but preserved for reference...
April 22, 2018 - New suspicious activity and assertions by the Cult of Columbine authorities is that Sol died wearing a guerrilla camouflage outfit. This woman was committing suicide not honing her skills as a sniper using a shotgun. There is a nasty cover-up being perpetrated here.
4 comments:
You're wrong.
"I must be crazy to fight this was; I must be out of my battered mind."
This is Eric's words.
The sentence is nonsensical.
Pais was obviously familiar with the Columbine shooters. Acquaintances say as much. However, teenagers routinely are fascinated by bad behaviored cultural figures.
The popularity of movies like the Joker and The Suicide Squad characters have millions of fans who use their quotes as memes and borrow their look and style. Some of these millions will commit a crime. But blaming the character on a crime is guilt by association.
Furthermore, Sol had not committed any crime then or even later. She was deeply troubled and she immersed herself in death-centric music and cultural references. Millions of fans do the same thing. Its a cheap shot to assume that when something bad happens involving someone like this that it is the music, the game, the lyric, the diary entry that somehow is a trigger or a tangible, obvious clue.
In Sol's case, she was approached by a peer who was proselytizing about the (then) recent Florida high school shootings and she apparently felt harassed by it. Her (Sol's) artistic tastes were being attacked and so it is certainly possible that this is what precipitated some of the diary entries and Columbine interest (which was peaking anyway because of the dark anniversary).
Again, this strikes me as someone who is not obsessed with Columbine but used Columbine to offend someone who offended her. In other words, "if you don't like my taste now, how do you like *this*!".
Teenagers are not fully formed adults and they all do irrational things. There is a real danger in reading their behaviors as evil, criminal, or malicious when they act out their confusion.
I taught art grades 7 -12 and I was warned about certain students being "troubled". Yet in an art class in which there were no behavior value judgments interfering with their interests, they created wonderful (and in some cases, great) work that took many teachers by surprise. In reading Sol's diary, not for a moment did I get the impression that this was a killer regardless of her cultural taste.
But yes, you and others no doubt will find a quote, a pictorial interpretation that you will use like a club to bludgeon her profile into what you wish it to be.
girl was obviously in touch with the whole columbine fiasco.
also she seemed to be a moderately wealthy girl with occasional friends who was extremely bored and depressed. typical edgy teenager with nothing but time on her hands. dont make it out like she was some intellectual. her music taste aligns perfectly with eric and dylans taste.
She was intellectual she was my AP environmental science lab partners and she had straight A’s I wish my grades where as good as hers. She was also the kindest person I knew comes to show that sometimes the brightest smiles hold the deepest scars
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